Comment & Debate
Laurie A. Couture, M.Ed. “10 Pro-Corporal Punishment Arguments & 10 Commonsense Answers”. Child Advocate. 2000-2003: “Argument #3: “I HAVE to use corporal punishment, nothing else works!” (or “Time Outs don’t work!”). Answer: True discipline is about developing a trusting, mutually respectful relationship between child and caretaker. To inflict pain on a child as a means of control is a lazy way out of the work it takes to help a child understand and internalize proper behavior. If you have used corporal punishment on your child, it will take time and effort for new methods to work. Years of negative patterns can’t be erased overnight with a simple solution. Nagging, yelling, threatening, controlling and punishing must stop before an effective relationship can be built and your child can trust you and understand the consequences of his/her behavior. People who use the argument “I’ve tried everything and nothing else works” often reveal that they haphazardly tried several techniques learned in various books, without actually committing to or following through consistently with one approach.” The result is an unorganized set of chaotic rules or consequences that change often and confuse the child… and make the adult appear out of control. People dissatisfied with their lack of success with “time outs” tend to use “time out” in a punitive manner. These people may expect a tantruming child to comply with sitting in a designated chair for a set amount of minutes. This punitive method of “time out” generates powers struggles rather than compliance. A more effective method is to direct the child to quiet room in which to calm down, then allowing the child to rejoin you when he or she expresses readiness. There need be no time limit or nagging. The number of brief time outs can be increased until the child understands that he or she must regain control of him/herself. As an adult, how do you deal with adults who you can’t seem to gain cooperation from? Do you hit your boss, employee, spouse or best friend when it appears that “nothing else works”?”